DEAR MISS MANNERS: Several years ago, I had a small etiquette dilemma that I still wonder about occasionally. Since it’s the kind of thing that could happen again in some other form, I’m curious what Miss Manners would recommend.
While in college, I spent a school break with my roommate, Jenna, and her family. After dinner one evening, Jenna went to wash the dishes, and I joined her (there was no dishwasher).
As we were finishing up, Jenna’s mother picked up a dish from the drying rack and scolded Jenna for not washing it properly. Well, I was actually the one who’d washed the dish badly. (I’d been spoiled most of my life by dishwashers and, more recently, the college meal service.)
I didn’t say so, though, and neither did Jenna. Maybe I didn’t want to own up to my mistake, but I also thought it would embarrass Jenna’s mom to find out she’d accidentally scolded a guest.
Was I right to keep quiet and let Jenna take the fall for the poor dishwashing, or should I have admitted it was my fault?GENTLE READER: You did the right thing in the moment, and Miss Manners agrees it was not an easy call. But she is sorry to say that you missed the extra credit: apologizing to Jenna privately later, and explaining why you did not come to her defense.
This would have diffused any betrayal Jenna might have been feeling. But more importantly, it would have given her the satisfaction of then complaining to her mother that she embarrassed a guest — which might have stung, when embarrassing her daughter evidently did not.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: At social gatherings, I often take photos. I am an avid photographer, and spend time retouching to ensure dark photos are lightened and light photos are darkened so that the final image is better. I often restore old photos to a better quality — removing dust, dirt, etc.
At a recent family event, I took many photos, which I brightened and enhanced to the best quality and posted on my social media account. My relatives have saved them to their phones and reposted the photos as their own, instead of sharing a link to mine.
This got under my skin so much. I know social media is a no-win situation, but I spend time to make the photos their best, and then someone else gets the credit. I thought of watermarking the pics, but I’m sure my relatives would think I’m being high-maintenance.
GENTLE READER: There is good news and there is bad news: Your relatives already think you are high-maintenance.
Why this is bad news, Miss Manners thinks you already know. Why it is also good news: because you have nothing to lose by imprinting a photo credit (“By Gary Gummidge”) onto the image. Such an insertion, unlike a watermark, does what you want — it gives you the credit — without the implication that it will be used later for legal purposes. But beware:
Instead of stopping the spread of your photos, it may only encourage distant acquaintances to request more.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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August 19, 2020 at 03:30PM
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Miss Manners: This dishwashing incident years ago still bugs me - The Mercury News
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